It can feel like a daily battle when your child doesn’t listen to you or flat-out refuses to obey your requests. Even the sweetest and most well-behaved children can behave defiantly and push you to the limits of your patience. In order to keep peace at home, help your child be successful at school, and keep yourself sane, you first need to take care of yourself.
How to Stay Calm Amidst Defiant Behavior
When your child is screaming at you, staying calm can be a huge challenge. You might be tempted to start yelling as well, but clinical director Emily McNeil says that more yelling will do nothing but escalate the situation. McNeil says, "It's neurobiologically impossible for a child to be more regulated than his parent.” She offers a few tips for parents to keep their cool when handling hot-headed children:
Steps for Managing Defiant Behavior
Once you feel calm and collected, then you can start to effectively managing your child’s behavior and disciplining them appropriately. Many parents feel at a loss when it comes to disciplining their defiant child because they might simply ignore the parent’s instructions. To regain control of your child, school psychologist Rachel Wise shares some of her best advice that she’s utilized during her 18 years of work:
Oppositional Defiant Disorder
Occasional defiant behavior is to be expected when raising children. However, if your child has been having defiant behavior for months and they are easily annoyed, hostile, or argumentative, they might have a disorder known as oppositional defiant disorder, or ODD.
ODD is described as a constant pattern of “defiance, negativity, and hostility” that lasts for at least 6 months. Some signs of this disorder include frequent outbursts, excessive arguing, refusing to follow rules, and lying. If you believe your child could have ODD, talk with your child’s doctor to explore treatment options such as family therapy or parent management training.
By: Dr. Syras Derksen